


Return to the Tiernsee

by PennineLass



Series: Jack Alone [3]
Category: Chalet School - Elinor M. Brent-Dyer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennineLass/pseuds/PennineLass
Summary: Jack and Hannah take a winter trip away.
Series: Jack Alone [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691770
Kudos: 2





	1. January 1962

Jack Maynard drove carefully up the mountainside. It was dusk and, though the route was one he was used to, it was a long time since he’d last driven this way. Eventually, the road began to level out and he found himself driving along the all too familiar lakeside towards the hotel. He slowed down as he took in the new buildings interspersed with the older chalets. Finally, he reached his destination and stopped the car. 

Hannah Lang had been asleep in the passenger seat for the last hour, but the cessation of the engine woke her. She stretched as well as she could in the small space and looked at Jack.

“Are we here?”

“Yes. You fell asleep not long after we passed Innsbruck.” Jack glanced at his watch. “We should have enough time to check in and unpack before dinner.”

“That sounds good. I’m hungry.” Hannah opened the door and climbed out, before fishing for her coat from the back seat as the bitter cold almost took her breath away. Jack did the same, then lifted their cases from the boot. He locked the car and they walked up the path to the door of the hotel where they were quickly checked in and shown to their rooms.

Jack unpacked his case, had a wash and changed into a shirt and tie. He stood looking out at the view over the lake for a short while, wondering how the trip would go. When they had planned this visit, Jack had been brutally honest with Hannah.

“It’s the first time I’ll have been back to the Tiernsee. I left in a hurry and I don’t know how I’m going to react to being back there. Are you sure you want to risk a trip where I may not cope with the memories it’s going to bring back?”

“Of course I’m sure. We’ll do it on your terms. You choose what we do and where we visit. The area holds happy memories for me and I don’t mind what we do while we’re there. This trip is for you, Jack. You need a break from work and the area won’t be too busy at this time of year. If you want to spend some of the time alone, that’s fine. I’m happy enough with my book or sewing.”

Jack had found himself agreeing and now, he was here. There was no getting out of it anymore. He shook himself and pulled the curtains closed, then made his way downstairs to meet Hannah for dinner.

Jack was awake early the next morning. Unable to settle to read, he rose and dressed. It was barely seven o’clock, so he picked up his outdoor garments and went downstairs. Slipping outside, he pulled on his hat and gloves as he walked swiftly down the drive and turned onto the lakeside. Despite the new buildings which had sprung up in the intervening years, Jack still recognised the village he had known so well. He walked along the lake path, not taking in much of his surroundings; he had a goal in mind and he was determined to reach it before he had to turn back if he wanted to be in time for Frühstück. 

Jack walked past the boat landing, still and silent at this time of year and continued along until the building he was aiming for came into view. As he neared it, he saw that it looked hauntingly familiar to the last time he had seen it. The covered passageways had gone, and the fence was no longer the palisade it had once been. The buildings were separated into their own private gardens and looked more like the chalets they had been before the school had been opened. 

Stopping at a short distance off, Jack looked at the main chalet and let his memories return. He saw his sister walking along the path from the front door with a handful of pupils surrounding her, Jo amongst them. He smiled as he remembered greeting Mollie and catching Jo as she tripped over some hidden protrusion in the ground. She had been too busy talking to look where she was going. 

The thought of his sister reminded Jack that he hadn’t had time to open her latest letter before they had left the previous day. It had arrived just as he was setting off, so he had shoved it in his coat pocket and forgotten about it until now. He felt both pockets and pulled it out of the left one. Removing a glove, he opened it and scanned the contents quickly. He had told her of his impending trip and she mentioned it towards the end.

Enjoy your visit to the Tiernsee, Jack. I’m sure most of your memories will be good ones as you loved living there. I’m only sorry I can’t make the trip with you but, you’ll have Hannah and she’ll keep you grounded while you’re there. Share your memories with her and don’t push her away if it gets too much at any point. She wants to be with you and for you both to have some time together without other people interrupting. I know you keep telling me it’s only a friendship, but I think it’s more than that, really. Enjoy the chance you have at happiness and make the most of it. Life’s too short to spend regretting what might have been.

Jack re-read the section again and realised that Mollie was right. He needed this trip, not just to remember his past, but, more importantly, to spend some time alone with Hannah away from the Görnetz Platz and the small community there. He folded the sheets and returned them to the envelope before turning his footsteps back to the hotel.

After Frühstück, Jack and Hannah both wrapped up and donned stout boots in readiness for a walk. The weather seemed to be holding, despite the snow on the ground and Herr Becker assured them that no snow was forecast during the day. They bid their host goodbye and set off to walk around the edge of the lake towards Buchau. Both were thankful for their hats, scarves and gloves since the wind was biting. They walked in a companionable silence for a while, each content to enjoy the scenery and quietness. Jack slowed his pace to match Hannah’s, the height difference between them meaning that his long legs covered the ground faster. Eventually, Jack broke the silence.

“I received a letter from my sister yesterday. I finally had chance to read it this morning before Frühstück. She told me to enjoy this trip.”

“So that’s two of us who have told you that, then,” Hannah smiled. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“When my mother died. She came over for the funeral and to help me clear Pretty Maids.”

“Pretty Maids?”

“My family home in England. I lived on the south coast between Southampton and Portsmouth. My parents owned an estate in the New Forest and the house was called Pretty Maids.”

“I understand. Where does your sister live, now?”

“In New Zealand. She moved out there with her husband before the war. Before that, she also lived here at the Tiernsee as she taught at the Chalet School.”

“So you were close then?”

“Yes. She probably knows me better than anyone, despite the distance. We’re twins.”

“That’s news to me. You’ve never mentioned that before.”

“I suppose I never thought about it. There’s only the two of us left and Mollie is busy with her family and the farm. We don’t have much contact other than letters, now.”

“That’s a shame.” Jack just shrugged in response to this. He was used to being alone. “How many brothers and sisters did you have?”

“There were two who died when they were small. I don’t remember them as it was before we were born. We also had an older brother. He died in the war, but I don’t know any more than that. I found out when I finally made it home and I wasn’t in a state to be able to deal with any further information at that time. Then, I suppose I just forgot to ask.”

“Are you the youngest, then?”

“By about an hour. Mollie was born first. I was a bit of a surprise as they hadn’t expected twins.” Jack smiled for the first time. “Apparently, Bob named me as they hadn’t thought of one. Not that he was very original, since I was given the same name as my father.”

“Have you not wanted to visit your sister?”

“I’ve been invited on numerous occasions, but, so far, I’ve just not had chance. I’ve either been busy with work or dealing with my demons. I’ve never met my nieces and nephews, though I send them something for birthdays and Christmas each year.”

“That is a shame. You should go. It would be a pity to not meet them.”

“Maybe.” Hannah sensed that it would be prudent to drop the subject and they continued on in silence for a short while.

“That’s where my sister lived when she was teaching here.” Jack nodded towards a building. Hannah looked in the direction he was indicating.

“Which one?” 

“The large chalet. That’s where the school was based. They occupied all five buildings before they had to move. When Mollie began, there was just the large chalet and the small one next door.”

“Where did you live?”

“I lived on the Sonnalpe.” Jack stopped and looked across the lake. “You can’t see it clearly, but I think it’s that one there.” He pointed out a mountain above Buchau.

“I see. How long did it take to get up there?”

“The walk up was about four hours. It was quite rough going in parts. Once the road was built, it took about twenty minutes to drive.”

“That must have made things easier for you.”

“It did. If we were needed in an emergency, it was a godsend. The other route down meant we had to go via Spärtz, which took an hour, at least.”

“Wasn’t there a doctor based by the lakeside? Or were you the only ones?”

“There was, but as the school was owned by Jem’s wife, they tended to call us if they needed a doctor. We always had a doctor on call for visits, the same as we do in Switzerland.”

“That would make sense, I suppose. Did you see your sister often, when you were both living here?”

“Yes. We generally met up if we both had the same day off. We’d either go for a meal in a hotel round about or take a trip to either Spärtz or Innsbruck if we had enough time. We explored a lot of the local area together.” Jack suddenly smiled as a memory returned. Hannah noticed.

“What is it?”

“I’ve just remembered an incident when we were in Spärtz once. When we entered the restaurant, and asked for a table for two, the proprietor looked rather worried as he thought we were illicit lovers. Mollie was so tempted to string him along, but I persuaded her it wouldn’t be the best idea since we’d have to eat there again.”

“No, it might not have been a good idea,” Hannah laughed. “Your sister sounds as if she has a good sense of humour, though.”

“She has. Sometimes, when I was desperately trying not to laugh, she’d just make the situation worse. I quite often ended up in trouble for that when we were young.” Hannah smiled again.

“Shall we move on? We’ll never reach Buchau, otherwise.” Jack glanced at his watch, before turning back to the path and leading the way.

Their walk took them another hour before they reached their destination. Once there, they strolled around the village, Jack pointing out another chalet which had also once been a school before being amalgamated with the Chalet School. He also showed her the bottom of the path up to the Sonnalpe. It was approaching lunchtime, so they turned their footsteps back towards Briesau, knowing that they could stop at one of the hotels in Maurach for lunch.

*****

“What would you like to do today?” Hannah asked Jack as they ate Frühstück two days later.

“I think I need to go up to the Sonnalpe. I can’t avoid it forever and I know I need to exorcise those demons.”

“Would you like me to come with you? Or would you prefer to go alone?” Jack stayed silent for a while as he contemplated the answer. Hannah continued with her own breakfast as she waited. She knew he had to make his own decision.

“Come with me. I’ll be honest and warn you that I have no idea how today will go.”

“I understand. It is important that you do this, though.”

“I know. I’m not promising anything. So far, I’ve had happy memories but, I think today will be different. I left in a hurry and, well, you already know what happened after that. As far as I’m aware, no one I know has been back up there since we left so I have no idea of what to expect.” Hannah placed her hand over Jack’s on the table.

“We’ll get through it together. I know you need to do this, and I want to be there for you, whether it’s just as silent support or as a friend to talk to.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me. I know I’m not great at talking, even now, but I’ll try.” Hannah smiled and finished her breakfast. Jack sighed and picked up his coffee.

“Why the sigh?”

“I was just wishing for a good cup of tea, that’s all.”

“So English!” Hannah laughed and Jack smiled, despite himself.

“I can’t help it, I am English,” he retorted in defence. “Not that I’d get a decent cup, even if there was any tea around here. It’s the one thing I miss about my homeland.”

“Never mind. You’ll be able to drink as much as you like once we return to the Görnetz Platz. I’m sure you have plenty at home.”

“I don’t, actually. I must write to Jem and ask him to send me some more. Swiss tea just doesn’t have the same taste for some reason.”

“It is probably not English enough.”

“Either that, or the milk has a slightly different taste. Have you finished?”

“Yes. I just need to get my things from my room before we set off.”

“Me too. I’ll meet you by the front door in ten minutes, then.” Hannah nodded her assent and they both left the Speisesaal to collect what they would need for the day. 

Jack was quickly ready, but he lingered in his room a few minutes longer. He knew that he would meet some bad memories today and he wanted to gather himself beforehand. He perched on the bottom of the bed and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

“Help me get through today, Jo. Don’t let me spiral out of control again. Not here, and certainly not in front of Hannah. She doesn’t need to see the hell I go through.” Silence was the only reply, but Jack felt a slight breeze in his hair. The window was closed, so he knew it wasn’t from there. He lifted his head, feeling it cross his cheeks. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly before standing and turning purposefully towards the door and whatever the day would bring.

Hannah was waiting when Jack reached the entrance. He managed a smile and she fell into step beside him as they went out to the car and climbed in. The drive was mainly in silence, Hannah not wishing to break Jack’s calmness. Although she knew Jack needed to do this trip, she suspected that he was only just holding himself together and she had no wish to push him over the edge. She knew she had to let him deal with whatever happened today in his own way and make sure she was there to pick up any pieces as and when it was needed. 

Suddenly, Jack found himself driving onto the shelf where the Sonnalpe village was situated. He had driven most of the way on autopilot and had no idea how he had reached his destination so quickly. He recognised the head of the path from the Tiernsee and pulled the car over into the edge, where he had parked so many times as he waited to meet a party of schoolgirls from their climb up the mountain. He turned the engine off and climbed out, Hannah following his lead. He walked across to the head of the path and looked down it, as if he half expected to meet a crowd of girls as they reached the top. Hannah leaned against the car as she watched him, sensing that he would return to her when he was ready to move onwards. She was eventually rewarded when he turned back to where she was standing.

“We’ll leave the car here. The shelf isn’t that large, and I doubt that anyone else will want to park here at this time of year.” 

“Which way, then?”

“This way.” Jack led them along the road towards the village. As they approached, it became obvious that things had changed dramatically in the intervening years since Jack had last been here. Hannah stayed silent, allowing Jack to take in the changes in his own time. She had seen the shock cross his face as they passed the first derelict building, though he had said nothing.

Hannah found herself surrounded by small chalets, the majority of which were now derelict and uninhabited. She surmised this was the Sonnalpe village. She followed Jack as he walked through the centre, obviously with a destination in mind. He finally came to a halt before a large chalet, surrounded by what had once been a well-kept garden. He leaned on the gate and looked around.

“This was where Jem and Madge lived. It’s called Die Rosen. There were roses climbing up those trellises and it always looked so attractive when they were in full bloom. I lived here for a while as well, before I moved out into rooms as their family increased.”

“It looks as if it was a happy home.”

“It was. It was always bustling with people, whether they were part of the family or people taken in because they had nowhere else to go. No one was ever turned away and Madge couldn’t bear to leave anyone alone when they needed a roof over their head and some love in their time of need.”

“She sounds like a very generous lady.”

“She is. She and Jem made a very good pairing and are still very happy, even now. Their first two children were born here and other family members made their home with them, too. They looked after Madge’s nephews and nieces for many years while their parents lived out in India. Jem’s sister and her two children also lived here.”

“It must have been a very busy household.”

“It was. They also looked after various other children who had parents at the Sanatorium and no other relatives to care for them during the holidays as well as being guardians to various others.” Hannah allowed the silence to fall between them as Jack retreated into his memories. She knew he had missed someone during his talk and suspected that he was reluctant to mention his fiancée to her. Hannah glanced across at him and saw he had closed his eyes. She moved closer, placing her hand gently on his arm. 

Jack felt the hand on his arm and finally looked at Hannah. He saw the soft look in her eyes and finally realised the truth of his sister’s words in her letter. Hannah wanted to be there with him, she wanted him to be able to feel comfortable with her in all his moods and, most especially when he was feeling vulnerable. He sighed. 

“I didn’t expect this place to be abandoned as well as the other chalets.” Jack spoke almost to himself. “I suppose I thought it would still be inhabited with people as it had always been when we lived here. I should have known better.”

“You weren’t to know, Jack. You said this morning that no one had been since you all left before the war. We could have asked Herr Becker, but I suppose that wouldn’t have helped, would it? You needed to come, regardless.” Jack nodded before drawing in a deep breath.

“This is where I proposed to Jo. It’s where our relationship developed and where I first fell in love with her. I knew she was the one a long time before she had any idea but, I also knew that she needed to make her own mind up about her future. I had no intention of forcing her into a decision and I had my reward after the picnic when she said yes.” Jack let out a hard laugh. “Two months later, she was dead. Killed by Nazis who decided she should be the target practice in their game. She was twenty and had her whole future ahead of her, yet those bastards took it away with two bullets. We’d only announced our engagement two weeks before we had to flee. Our families knew, but Jo had asked that we didn’t make it public until after Juliet’s wedding as she didn’t want to overshadow it. That was Jo all over. She cared about everyone and anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I knew she wasn’t perfect, and she would have been the first to admit the same. She had a hot temper and would quite often argue with her friend, Grizel. They were very alike in temperament and regularly rubbed each other up the wrong way, but Jo would never let an argument come between them and she was fiercely protective of her as well.” Jack turned away from the gate and Hannah sensed his barriers rising once more. “Come on. Let’s go and see what state the Sanatorium is in. If it’s still standing, that is.” 

Leading the way through the village, Jack pointed out several chalets, telling Hannah who had lived in each as they passed. The frescos on Das Pferd, which had been the Mensches chalet, were faded, but it was still possible to make out the hunting scene. Eventually, they passed the last chalet and Jack turned into some gates. Walking up the driveway, Hannah could see some small huts scattered around in the grounds.

“Why are there little huts all over?”

“They’re summerhouses. Patients would use them for shelter from the wind and the heat of the sun where they were sitting out in the grounds during the day. Only ambulatory patients were allowed into the grounds. Those on bedrest would be wheeled out onto the balcony if they were well enough.”

“I see. How long were patients here for?”

“It depended. The lucky ones would only be here for a year, but others were here for far longer and a number of patients didn’t survive. Treatment for tuberculosis was a lot different before the war and new advances have now made the old method pretty much obsolete.”

They turned the corner and came upon the building. Jack could see that it had been allowed to fall into disrepair in places, but, otherwise, it was remarkably still standing. He walked up to the front entrance and pushed the door. It yielded and he pushed it further open, motioning for Hannah to follow him. She did so, reluctantly.

“Should we be in here?”

“Probably not. I’m intrigued, though and want to investigate. You can wait outside if you’d prefer?”

“What do you want to see?” Jack led the way down a corridor, stopping before a door. He wiped his hand on the glass and Hannah saw Jack’s name appear. Jack tried the handle, but it didn’t yield. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his keys. Searching through them, he selected one and tried it in the lock. Hannah heard it turn and looked at Jack, who just smiled and opened the door. 

They entered the office and Jack looked around, noting that the furniture was still how he had arranged it all those years ago. He crossed to the desk and opened a drawer. It was empty, so he closed it and moved across to the filing cabinet. Hannah watched quietly from near the door. She sensed he was looking for something but, she was loath to break the silence in the room. After a thorough investigation, Jack finally turned back to Hannah.

“There’s nothing here. Come on. Let’s go.” He ushered her out and locked the door behind him once more, before leading her down the corridor towards another room. This time, the door gave on his push and he entered silently. Hannah noted the chairs scattered around the room, some upturned as if they had been hurriedly pushed out of the way. Jack skirted round them and opened another door, disappearing inside. Hannah waited. 

When Jack finally reappeared, it was obvious something was bothering him, but he just gestured Hannah back out and led the way back into the fresh air once more. He walked quickly away from the Sanatorium, leaving Hannah behind as his need to be away from there overtook him. She watched him disappear down the drive and turn away from the village, but by the time she reached the gates, he was nowhere to be seen. Hannah sighed and looked around for somewhere to wait. 

Hannah was pacing up and down in an effort to keep warm when Jack finally came back into view. The wind was biting and there was no shelter from it. She waited for him to reach her before she spoke.

“Jack?”

“We need to go, now. You’re cold.” Without waiting for a response, he turned away and led the way back to the car, leaving Hannah to follow in his wake. She understood the abruptness in his tone and remained silent on the journey back down the mountainside, allowing Jack the space to process what he had seen. When they reached the hotel, Jack stopped the engine and turned to her.

“I need to walk. Do you mind if I go alone?”

“Of course not.” Hannah shivered a little. Jack noticed, despite his preoccupation.

“Go and get yourself warmed up or you’ll catch cold. I shouldn’t have left you to wait all that time outside.”

“I’m fine, Jack.” Jack opened the door and climbed out, Hannah doing the same. He walked her up to the hotel door, holding it open for her to enter. Hannah turned back to him.

“Please be careful while you’re out.”

“I will. I’ll be back in time for dinner.” He let the door go and set off in the snow. Hannah watched him until he was out of sight before slowly going to her room and running a hot bath.

*****

Hannah was sitting in the hotel foyer when Jack finally returned. From the corner of her eye, she saw him bang the snow off his boots and remove his hat before he spotted her and walked over to where she was sitting with her book. As he approached, Hannah noted that he looked much calmer than when he had left her earlier.

“May I?” he asked, gesturing to the seat beside her. Hannah closed her book and nodded. He perched on the edge of the chair where he could see her properly. 

“Thank you. I just wanted to apologise for leaving you alone this afternoon.”

“There is no need for an apology. I told you before we came that if you needed time alone, I was happy to stay in the hotel with my book or sewing.”

“I know and I appreciate it. What time is dinner?” 

“It’s in half an hour or so. You ought to go and get changed before you catch cold.” Jack looked down at his damp clothes and managed a small smile at Hannah’s reference to his own comment earlier that day.

“Yes. I won’t be long.” Rising, he turned to the stairs and disappeared up to his room.

Jack quickly showered and changed. He paused before he left the room. He felt as if something had brushed past him, but he knew he was alone. He shook his head as if to clear it and walked slowly downstairs back to Hannah.

The meal was quiet. Jack was brooding on his day and Hannah was reluctant to break his silence. She sensed that he was unhappy and needed space to sort his mind out. Although she had seen him drop into despair on a couple of occasions since their friendship had begun, this was the first time she had seen the haunted look in his eyes since Maria had died. It was clear that the trip to the Sonnalpe that morning had brought back some memory he’d rather have kept buried. 

After they’d eaten, they both returned to the foyer for a drink before bed. Jack stared silently into the bottom of his whisky glass.

“Jack?” Hannah was hesitant, not wishing to anger him.

“Mmm?” He finally looked up at Hannah and saw the worry on her face. He sighed, knowing what she was going to ask and unsure if he was ready to tell her. 

“What happened at the Sanatorium, this morning?”

“Memories,” he answered, shortly and Hannah sighed to herself. Jack heard her. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be short with you. I just…” he tailed off, pausing a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts. “I didn’t think coming here would be this difficult. I ought to have known better, really.”

“I think that’s an excuse. A poor one as well. You enjoyed your day around the lakeside yesterday and shared many happy memories at the same time. You even had some good memories this morning when we wandered around the village up on the Sonnalpe.”

“You’re right. It is a poor excuse. I just don’t think I’m ready to talk about it yet.”

“Then don’t, but please, don’t let that one bad memory spoil your trip. If you need space to sort yourself out, then take as much as you want and don’t apologise for it. I think you know me well enough by now. I’m not going to be offended by you leaving me alone. However, if you do want to talk, you know where I am.” Hannah put her glass gently on the table and rose from her seat. As she passed Jack, she rested her hand on his shoulder, pausing long enough to allow him to place his hand on top of it, a gesture which surprised both of them. Hannah’s eyes softened, understanding that he needed her, even as he was pushing her away. She squeezed his shoulder and gently pulled away, turning towards the stairs.

“Goodnight, Jack. I hope you get some rest.” Jack managed a small smile, knowing he wouldn’t be sleeping well tonight.

“Goodnight Hannah. Sleep well.” He watched her walk upstairs and returned to staring into the bottom of his whisky glass. 

*****

Jack was up early the next morning. He’d spent most of the night tossing and turning before eventually giving up on sleep. Turning on the bedside lamp, he read doggedly until the clock in the hallway struck six. Rising, he’d put on his dressing gown and slippers, before sitting down at the small writing table in the corner to begin a long letter to his sister.

When he next heard the clock strike, he realised it was eight o’clock and Frühstück was in half an hour. He slowly capped his pen as he glanced over the pages scattered across the table. He gathered them together, putting them in order and placing them into an envelope before quickly addressing it ready to post later. He then showered and dressed before descending to breakfast and whatever the day might bring.

Frühstück was eaten mainly in silence again. Hannah noted that Jack looked tired and suspected that he hadn’t slept. She knew better than to ask the obvious, though.

“What do you plan to do today?” Hannah asked as she picked up her coffee.

“I need to post a letter this morning, but otherwise I have nothing I particularly want to do,” Jack replied between mouthfuls. “Was there anything you wanted to do?”

“Not really. I wouldn’t mind a walk, though. I could do with some fresh air.”

“We can post my letter at the same time, then.” Hannah nodded her assent.

“Is there anything you’d particularly like to see?” Jack asked as he cleared his plate.

“Not really. I haven’t seen the Dripping Rock yet, though so we could try that way.”

“It seems safe enough in that direction at the moment. It looked very striking when I passed it yesterday.”

“Are you finished?”

“Yes. At least, I think so.” Hannah smiled and waited while Jack decided. He’d eaten far more than Hannah had expected while they had been here, so she wasn’t surprised when he rose and went to get another helping. She couldn’t help laughing as he returned with another plateful of food.

“Obviously not then. I don’t know where you’ve been putting everything. You don’t normally eat as much at home, do you?”

“No. It must be the air here. It’s made me hungrier than normal.” 

Eventually, Jack had eaten his fill and they both rose from the table and went to collect their things from their rooms. Once they were ready, they pulled on their outdoor garments and set off out into the cold air. They walked into the village first so that Jack could post his letter, before turning towards the lakeside path and the Dripping Rock. Hannah had spotted the address on the envelope and hoped that he had unburdened himself to his sister. She noticed that he seemed a little more like himself this morning, despite his quietness and obvious lack of sleep. 

They walked quickly along the path, soon reaching the place where the Dripping Rock stood, giant icicles glistening in the winter sunshine. Hannah smiled as she saw it, remembering past winters long ago when she had been a child. Once she had seen her fill, they moved on, walking with more care, now. The path was narrow and precarious in places, particularly in the snow. When they reached Geisalm, they paused for a short time while Hannah regained her breath. 

“Shall we continue on to Scholastica?” Jack asked as he leaned on the fence. Hannah glanced at her watch.

“Yes. The hotel should be open so we can eat there and then have time to walk back.”

“Come on then. We should make good time along here now. The path is pretty level.”

“As long as you don’t go striding off ahead. I can’t keep up with you, then.”

“Fair point. I’ll try not to do that again. I’m so used to walking at my own pace, I forget you’re so much smaller than me. If you’ve got your breath back, shall we carry on?” Hannah nodded and they walked on, Jack allowing her to set the speed this time.

When they finally reached Scholastica, Hannah was tired. Although she was used to walking in Switzerland, she generally only had short distances between jobs and visits and could walk at her own speed. Despite his attempts to stick to her pace, Jack still walked on ahead, leaving her to almost trot along in his wake. She was thankful when they reached the hotel where she could sit down and rest. 

Jack was happy to stay where they were for a couple of hours, realising that Hannah needed to recover from their walk. Although she hadn’t complained, he noted the tiredness on her face and decided that they had enough time for her to recover before they needed to set off back to Briesau. He let the conversation languish as they waited for a table.

After they’d eaten, Jack glanced at his watch and realised that they didn’t have much daylight left if they were to walk back. He mentioned this to Hannah and they donned their outdoor things once more before heading back out in to the cold air. 

Ambling along together, Jack realised that he was actually enjoying being in Hannah’s company despite his fears over this trip. He knew he’d faced a few demons, especially the morning he’d taken her up to the Sonnalpe. He realised that he had more happy memories than bad here on the lakeside and that he may be able to make more in the future with Hannah by his side. He knew that her friendship was something he valued, along with that of Jem and Gottfried, both of whom had supported him throughout all his ups and downs since he had returned after the war. 

When they finally reached their hotel, it was obvious to Jack that Hannah had had enough for the day.

“Why don’t you go and lie down for an hour before diner?” he suggested as they walked through the door.

“I think I will. I’ve not walked so far and at such speed for a long time.”

“I’m sorry. You should have stopped me striding off. I’m so used to walking at my own pace.”

“Don’t apologise. It’s probably done me good to have some proper exercise. Shall I meet you here before dinner?”

“Yes. I think I’ll have a wander around the village as I’m still feeling a little fidgety.”

“Take care, Jack. The light has faded now.”

“I will. I need to tire myself out though, or I won’t sleep again tonight. I’ll see you later.” He turned and walked back through the door. Hannah watched him go before she set off upstairs to her room. 

Hannah ran herself a bath and soaked for a while. When she had finished, she donned her dressing gown, before dropping onto the bed and falling asleep. When she woke, she realised that she just had time to wash and dress before dinner. Her thoughts turned to Jack and she hoped that he had come to no harm whilst he had been out. She knew he had needed to go but she worried, nonetheless. His mood had been quite up and down all day and she hoped that some time alone will have given him the space to order his thoughts and sort himself out. 

Strolling down to the reception area, Hannah discovered that she was the first to arrive. She found a seat by the window and waited for Jack to arrive. She was thankful she had dropped her book into her handbag as she pulled it out and settled down to read. She was soon engrossed in the story and didn’t notice Jack return.

When Jack returned to the hotel, he hadn’t realised that he was so late until he spotted Hannah reading by the window. Running upstairs, he quickly showered and pulled some clothes out to wear. Sitting down on the bed to pull his socks on, he felt the strange draft against his hair again. 

“Not now, Jo. I’m already late.” He stood to pull his shirt on and was fastening the buttons when he noticed a sliver of paper on the floor by his shoes. He bent down and picked it up, intending to drop it in the bin, but he saw there was writing on it. He stopped and turned it over to see it was just a sliver of an old letter he’d once received. Some of the pieces must have landed in his case when he’d ripped it up. He read the few words he could see and realised why he’d felt the draft. It was telling him to listen to Hannah and to talk to her about Jo. 

“I will. Not here, though. When we’re back in Switzerland. I need to know I have space and time to deal with it afterwards. She’s heard the bare essentials and doesn’t need the rest here.” He dropped the paper in the bin and finished dressing quickly. Picking up his jacket, he walked out of the door, turning the light off as he went and headed downstairs to greet Hannah.

*****

The next morning saw Jack and Hannah packing their suitcases and stowing them back into the car, ready for their journey back to Switzerland and the Görnetz Platz. Once they’d eaten their fill, they settled their bill and thanked their host before climbing into the car for the journey home. They planned to stop in Innsbruck for the morning before Jack drove the rest of the way home. 

They spent an enjoyable morning wandering around the sights in Innsbruck, before finding a restaurant for Mittagessen. Once they’d ordered, a companionable silence fell between them as they waited for their drinks to arrive. Hannah watched Jack, noting that he seemed a little distant. She decided she should try to bring him back from his brooding.

“How did you find being back at the Tiernsee?”

“Hm?” Jack looked up at Hannah, realising that he wasn’t paying attention. Hannah repeated her question.

“It was better than I expected. I think I’d like to come back again.”

“Maybe when the weather is warmer, we could do that. It would be nice to see it in summer again.”

“Yes.” Jack paused as their drinks arrived. “Thank you for coming with me. I know I’ve not been very good company.”

“Thank you for allowing me to come with you. I know this week has been difficult at times for you, but I’m glad you felt you could share at least a little bit of your past with me.”

“My past is painful in the main. Maybe next time I could show you some happier things.”

“I’d like that.” 

“How about I show you my homeland next time?”

“I’ve never been to England. I don’t even know any of the language.” Jack smiled in response.

“Maybe Hansi and I could begin teaching you? His English is quite good now.”

“I didn’t know he spoke any. I know he’d learnt a little in the war, but I thought he’d forgotten it all.”

“I hope I haven’t given his secret away!” Jack looked a little conscience-stricken. “I thought you knew he’d been learning.”

“No. I had no idea. When has he had chance? I thought he was always busy with work.”

“He joined a class in Interlaken when he goes down for his college day. In between, I talk to him, so he gets to practice.”

“That’s very kind of you. How do you manage to fit that in as well as everything else?”

“Oh, it’s not difficult. We see each other quite often in work, so I make sure I speak English to him each time. In fact, he’s becoming confident enough to speak with the few English-speaking patients we have at the moment.”

“I’m glad. He was always such a shy child.” Hannah broke off as Mittagessen arrived. The silence lingered as they both tucked into the delicious meal before them. Eventually Hannah spoke again.

“I think I’d quite like to see England and where you were brought up. I’m not sure you’ll be able to teach me much of your language though.”

“I thought not,” Jack replied with a smile. “I’ll have to persevere in trying to teach you the joys of tea instead.”

“Never! I think that is one English custom I will never be able to understand or enjoy.” Jack just laughed in response as their waiter brought out Apfeltorte for dessert. They ate it quickly and then requested the bill as they had a long drive ahead.

Once they were back in the car and heading back to Switzerland, Jack turned back to the subject of their trip. 

“I won’t be going back up to the Sonnalpe again. Too many bad memories lingered after that day.”

“I understand. At least you can say you’ve put those ghosts to rest for now.”

“I suppose so. I hadn’t expected to see the place so deserted and no longer used, but I suppose it was because it was a village built because of the Sanatorium. Once that was closed, there was no need for the village anymore as everyone who worked there would have had to find work elsewhere.”

“It’s quite inaccessible, too. No one would want to stay up there if there were no amenities. Maybe one day, you’ll feel able to return and remember the good things.”

“I doubt it. Although I know I have happy memories up there, I think the ending is what will always remain foremost. If what we went through in those final days up there hadn’t happened, I may have been leading a very different life. It did happen, though and I’ve been left to make the best of it, somehow.”

“We may never have met in that case.” 

“I know and I’m grateful that I have met you, even though the circumstances weren’t ideal each time we crossed paths. I’m grumpy, set in my ways and ungrateful at times, but I do appreciate your friendship. It means more than you probably realise, especially when I’m down. I may disappear and avoid you, but I still need you in the same way that I need Jem and Gottfried. Between the three of you, I know I’ll be safe, whatever life throws at me.”

“I understand. I’m grateful to have met you, too. If it hadn’t been for you when we were in Zurich, Maria would have never lived for as long as she did. Because you cared, we had time with her. I know you won’t accept thanks but, it’s true. It’s your nature and that’s why you do what you do so well, despite your moods. You’ll always have people to pick you back up when you fall, as I’m sure you’ve been told numerous times before. I’m glad you consider me to be one of them.” 

Hannah fell quiet, leaving Jack to digest what she’d said. He concentrated on driving for a while, allowing a silence to fall between them. He wasn’t sure how to respond to her. He had always found it awkward when someone thanked him or praised his skills and this was no exception. When he felt he had formed a response in his mind, he looked across to see that she had fallen asleep. He managed a smile to himself, grateful he had no need to respond and continued to drive along the Autobahn back into Switzerland.


	2. March 1962

Jack walked slowly along the corridor of the Sanatorium, heading back to his office. His shift was almost over, and he was glad. It had been a long night and he wanted to go home to his bed, even though he knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping when he finally reached there. The vague dreams which had plagued him since his trip to the Tiernsee at the end of January had become nightmares over the past few nights. He was reaching the stage where he was struggling to get much sleep at all, though he was reluctant to take anything to help him sleep. He hated the side effects they gave him and the fact that he knew if he wasn’t careful, he could easily become addicted to them. 

Reaching his office, Jack was relieved to drop into the chair behind the desk. Leaning his head in his hands, he rubbed his eyes before starting to write up his notes and observations. Even in his current state of exhaustion, he was meticulous in his job, determined to do everything to the best of his ability. The telephone on his desk rang and he answered it automatically. It was one of the nurses asking him to attend to a patient who was troubling her. Jack assented and picked up his doctor’s coat, donning it as he sped back along the corridor. 

Jack’s shift had finished over two hours ago by the time he finally returned to his office to finish his notes. Gottfried passed by and spotted the light burning through the glass. He opened the door, intending to just turn the light off when he spotted his friend busy writing.

“I thought you’d have gone home by now, Jack,” he said as he crossed the room to the desk.

“Hmm?” Jack was absorbed in his task and Gottfried knew he wasn’t listening. He’d learnt over the years that the best way to get Jack’s attention was to cover the papers before him with whatever was handy. This turned out to be a heavy book which had been left precariously balanced on the edge of the desk. It landed on the papers with a thump which startled Jack more than Gottfried had intended. 

“Goodness! What was that for?” Jack looked up with some annoyance. He spoke in English in his surprise and Gottfried replied in the same language.

“Sorry. I didn’t intend to startle you, but you were so absorbed, you weren’t taking any notice of your surroundings.” 

“I’m sure you could have found something a little less drastic.” Jack picked the book up and replaced it back at the edge of the table. “Did you want something, Gottfried?”

“I was wondering why you were still here; your shift finished hours ago.”

“I know. I was called to Frau Rutger just before I was due to finish. I wanted to get all my notes up to date while they were still relatively fresh in my mind.”

“I see. Come and have a coffee in the canteen. You look as if you need a break.”

“No thanks. I’m nearly done, so I just want to finish up and get off.” Gottfried looked keenly at his friend, noting the tiredness on his face. He knew better than to remark on it, though. Jack was very good at deflecting questions about himself.

“Are you sure?” Jack glanced back at his notes, his mind already back on what he had left to write.

“Yes. Thanks for looking in on me. It should only take me another half hour or so.”

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” Jack just nodded in reply as he resumed his writing and Gottfried slipped back out to go and get some coffee for himself.

As he walked along the corridor, Gottfried was thinking hard. This was the first time he had seen Jack look so tired for a few years and he wondered if he was sleeping properly. He made a mental note to try and keep an eye on his friend, knowing that a lack of sleep was quite often the first sign that something was amiss.

Over the next week, Gottfried kept a discreet eye on Jack’s activities, noting that he arrived to work early and left late each shift. His eyes were heavy, and he was throwing himself into his job with more vim than normal. His conversation with his colleagues was becoming more abrupt and to the point, though he was still perfectly courteous, thus not arousing suspicion with his colleagues. 

Aware of what had happened on previous occasions, Gottfried decided that a call to Jem in England was needed to see how best to confront their friend before it got any worse. He asked his secretary to place the call at the end of his shift when he knew he was unlikely to be disturbed. He waited at his desk until the telephone rang and he picked it up, hoping that Jem would be able to give him some idea how to make the next move.

“Hello, Gottfried. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you this week. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hello, Jem. I wish it was just a social call, but I’m afraid it isn’t quite that. I’m worried about Jack. He looks as if he is not sleeping again.”

“I assume he’s still working as normal?”

“Yes. You know how good he is at hiding everything.”

“That’s true. What made you pick up on it?”

“A week ago, I found him still here hours after his shift had finished. It was nothing out of the ordinary, as he’d been with a patient so had been unable to finish updating his notes. I’d gone in to turn off the light as I thought he had forgotten. I noticed that he looked more tired than normal when I spoke to him. I’ve been watching from a distance since that day and have seen his actions are becoming more deliberate and he is much more abrupt in his manner with his colleagues, though they don’t appear to have noticed it so far.”

“It certainly sounds like he’s having sleeping problems again. Do you have any idea what may have caused them?”

“No. He took some leave at the end of January, but I don’t know whether he went anywhere.”

“Hmm. I wonder if it’s worth speaking to Frau Lang? Does he still see her regularly? If so, she may be able to shed some light on the matter.”

“I don’t know. You know how hard it is to find anything out from Jack. I’ll ask Gisela when I get home as she may be able to answer that question. I know she sees Frau Lang in the village quite often.”

“It may give us some idea on how to tackle Jack if we know what he’s been doing lately. I’m probably due a visit over there anyway, so I’ll see if I can slot one into my schedule in the next couple of weeks. Between us, we may be able to stop anything worse from happening.”

“I hope we can. I would hate for him to fall into a deep depression again like he did a few years ago.”

“I’ll let you know when I’m coming over. In the meantime, see if Gisela can find any information out from Frau Lang. I wouldn’t advise trying to tackle Jack until we know what’s caused this latest bout unless you have no choice.”

“Of course. I will leave him be for now. Thank you for listening, Jem. It is a load off my mind.”

“My pleasure. I’ll see you in the next week or so. Hopefully, we can get Jack back onto an even keel once again, too.” 

The pips sounded at this point and the line went dead before Gottfried had chance to reply. He slowly replaced the receiver, feeling a little less worried now he’d spoken to Jem. He had the beginnings of a plan of action and, once Jem arrived in person, he hoped that they’d be able to help Jack.

In the meantime, Jack continued to work like an automaton, throwing himself into his job to the exclusion of everything else. He had even stopped going to dinner at Hannah’s each week in his efforts to avoid his thoughts and nightmares. He knew his job was the thing he needed to concentrate on as he tried to hold onto the little routine he still had in his exhaustion. He didn’t want to lose the one thing he loved and knew he was good at doing.

*****

It was a week later when Jem rang to warn Gottfried that he would be visiting in a couple of days. He gave no indication of how long he would be staying, but Gottfried knew that he would stay for as long as necessary for their friend. 

It was early afternoon when Gottfried met Jem at the airport. They shook hands as they exchanged greetings. It wasn’t until Gottfried was well on the way back to the Görnetz Platz that the subject of Jem’s visit came up.

“How is Jack?” Jem asked, quietly. Gottfried negotiated a few hairpin bends in the road which needed all his concentration before he answered.

“He’s looking exhausted. He is working all the hours he can, and he looks as if he’s in need of a good meal.”

“That doesn’t sound promising. Has he mentioned anything to you at all?”

“Not out of choice. I asked him outright if he was sleeping the other day.”

“What did he say?”

“He asked if it was that obvious, then admitted he could not take sleeping tablets at the moment.”

“He’s scared he’ll become addicted.”

“It is understandable. The ones he takes are quite strong and will give him other side effects as well.”

“He knows he can usually solve his insomnia after a few nights of taking them when he’s thinking properly. Did you manage to find out what he’s been doing lately?”

“Yes. Gisela spoke to Frau Lang a few days after I’d spoken to you on the telephone. She said that they had a trip to the Tiernsee when he took some leave at the end of January.”

“Really? I know you’ve been back, as have we when we’ve been to visit Jo’s grave. I somehow didn’t expect him to return.” Gottfried didn’t reply as he concentrated on the last stretch of the journey up the mountainside.

They resumed the conversation after Abendessen. Gisela made herself comfortable beside her husband as they enjoyed a coffee in the Salon.

“It is a shame you came alone, Jem,” Gisela commented as she nursed her cup.

“I’m afraid it was rather short notice and Madge had other plans she couldn’t escape, unfortunately. Next time, I’ll bring her with me. I’m sure she’d love to visit.”

“That would be lovely. Hopefully, your next visit will be of a more pleasant nature.”

“I hope so. I understand you’ve been speaking to Frau Lang?”

“Yes, I have spoken to her quite often over the past few weeks. She is worried about Jack and also feeling a little guilty that she may have played some part in this latest episode. I have assured her that it is no fault of hers. She wasn’t to know that Jack would be unable to deal with his demons once he returned home.”

“Has she seen him lately?”

“No. That is why she approached me in the village two weeks ago. Apparently, Jack didn’t turn up to dinner as he would normally do on a Wednesday. She knew he wasn’t working as he’d told her his shift pattern. She tried to contact him, but received no response, which worried her.”

“I can imagine. Has she seen him in this cycle before?”

“I think this is the first time, though she is aware of them. Jack told her himself.”

“I’m glad he has been honest with her. She seemed a very nice lady when I met her.”

“She is. I understand why Jack has been drawn to her. It is more than just a companionship, though I doubt that either of them would admit it. They are both lonely in their own ways and, through common ground, have developed the friendship we have all seen.”

“Jack obviously trusts her and values her friendship, if he has told her some of his past.” Gottfried added. “I think we need to speak with Frau Lang and find out what happened on their trip to the Tiernsee. Do you think she will help, Liebling?”

“I am sure she will,” Gisela replied as she replaced her cup on the table. “She is joining us for Kaffee und Kuchen tomorrow.”

“That is good. Between us, we may be able to piece together what has started this latest bout of depression. Did you want to go to the Sanatorium tomorrow, Jem?”

“Is Jack working tomorrow?”

“He is. I think he is doing a string of days at the moment.”

“In that case, no. I’d prefer that he didn’t know I was here for now. I don’t want him to do  
anything rash.”

“Do you think he would?” Gisela looked worried at this comment.

“I don’t think he would do anything intentionally; however, it seems that he is pushing everyone away in his desperation to just make it through each day. He can’t sustain it for much longer on his own.”

“In that case, we shall stay at home tomorrow.” Gottfried spoke with certainty before rising from his seat. “Now, I think it is time we sought our beds.” The others agreed and soon, silence reigned over the chalet.

*****

Hannah Lang was putting her coat and boots on when Hansi walked in through the door of their chalet. He closed it softly behind him and began to undo his outdoor things.

“Are you going out, Mutti?”

“Yes. I’ve been invited for Kaffee und Kuchen with Frau Doktor Mensch.”

“Be careful, then. It’s slippery on some of the paths today.”

“I will. I’ve put you something to eat on the side. I’ll be back before Abendessen.” Hannah reached up and kissed her son before disappearing through the door. He finished removing his boots and then went into the kitchen in search of what had been left for him.

Hannah walked swiftly along the path from Ste Cecilie towards the main village. Once there, she turned along the main street and continued on along the Görnetz Platz until she reached the chalet owned by Gottfried and Gisela. She paused at the gate to admire the size and space around it, before pushing it open and approaching the door. 

Hannah knocked and stood back as she waited. Gisela opened the door with a smile.

“Grüss Gott, Frau Lang. Come on inside.” Hannah was ushered into a square hallway dotted with rugs on the floor and a couple of chairs. Gisela took her wraps and hung them on a row of pegs to the left of the door while Hannah removed her boots and placed them neatly by the others underneath the coats. She slipped on the house shoes she had brought with her and picked up her bag. Gisela led the way into the Salon which Hannah noted was a bright airy room warmed by a big stove in the corner. The windows were covered with thick warm curtains and more rugs were laid around on the floor before the various sofas and chairs which looked comfortable and inviting. Gisela introduced her to Gottfried and Jem, both of whom greeted her with smiles, before excusing herself to finish putting out the food. 

They were called through to the Speisesaal shortly after and once they were tucking into the delicious bread twists and cake, the conversation turned to their absent friend.

“Frau Lang, I understand you and Jack had a trip to the Tiernsee at the end of January?” Jem asked as he buttered his third roll.

“Yes. I suggested we had a trip away as he needed a break. We both decided on the Tiernsee together. I spent many summers there as a child. My uncle owned a small Pension near Maurach.”

“I didn’t realise you knew the area too.”

“Yes, my mother would take us to stay with my uncle in the summer holidays and help him run the Pension.”

“Our paths may well have crossed before, then.”

“It is quite possible. That is why I was quite happy to go back when it was suggested. Jack was honest and warned me that he hadn’t been back since he’d been forced to leave.”

“Has he ever told you how he came to leave?”

“Not fully. I just know it was in a hurry and involved a number of people.”

“I was one of the group who had to flee,” Gottfried spoke quietly. “It was unpleasant for all of us, though not quite as bad as Jack’s experience in the end.”

“I can understand that. I too, had to leave Austria in similar circumstances.”

“Can you tell us what you did while you were at the Tiernsee, Frau Lang?” Gisela moved the conversation on, knowing her husband still felt guilty that he’d had to leave Jack behind all those years ago.

“Of course. We walked a lot and explored the lakeside. Jack pointed out places and remembered many things which he seemed happy to share with me. I also found out that his sister had lived there too.”

“Yes, his sister is a friend of my wife’s,” Jem said with a smile. “She taught at the Chalet School for a few years when it first opened. She also taught Frau Mensch for a short time, too.” 

“She is very unlike Jack though. She taught maths and liked everything to be neat and tidy,” Gisela added as she returned Jem’s smile. “Jack prefers the organised mess he works in, though I suspect he can place his hands on anything you ask for.”

“He can,” Jem answered. “I can’t see any reason why the lakeside would be the cause of this latest episode though. You said he seemed happy enough, Frau Lang?”

“Yes. I wonder if he has been haunted by the trip up to where you all worked and lived?”

“Did you go up to the Sonnalpe?” Jem was suddenly alert.

“Yes. It was probably halfway through our stay. He decided he needed to visit there. He told me that he didn’t know if anyone else had been back, so he had no idea what to expect.”

“Have you been back, Gottfried?”

“No. We spoke to the hotel owner when we stayed nearby so I have heard what it is like up there now.”

“Jack was right in his guess then. I’ve never been back either as Madge decided she would rather remember how it was when we lived there. We’ve never asked what had happened though.”

“Nor did we,” Hannah replied. “Though I suspect that it would not have helped Jack even if we had been told what to expect.”

“What was it like?” Jem suddenly wanted to know for himself as Gottfried had said very little to ease his mind. Hannah drank a little of her coffee before she spoke. She realised that she was the only person who had seen the Sonnalpe since that fateful day almost twenty-five years ago.

“It is derelict now. No one lives there anymore, and many of the buildings are in a poor state of repair. We parked in a little layby near the top of the path from the Tiernsee and explored on foot. Jack took me through the village and out to where you lived, Herr Doktor. He told me quite a lot about life there before he finally told me about his fiancée. After that, he took me along to the Sanatorium. 

“When we reached the Sanatorium, Jack wanted to explore inside, though I wasn’t so keen. He took me to where his office was, and he still had a key to unlock the door. There was only furniture left inside. Then we went to another room which had a further room inside. I waited by the outer door as he explored the inner room before he came out and abruptly told me that we needed to leave. He left me behind as his need to be away from whatever he’d seen overtook him. When he finally came back for me, he just said that we should go back to the hotel where he dropped me off and then went for a long walk alone.

“He didn’t sleep well that night. He looked tired the next morning at Frühstück, but I thought he’d managed to write a lot of it down as we posted a letter to his sister on our way out. He seemed to be okay for the rest of the trip, though he did say he wouldn’t return to the Sonnalpe. He told me that the ending would always be foremost in his mind, even though he had many happy memories there too.”

Hannah ran down at this point and concentrated on drinking her coffee before she took another bread twist. Jem had been silent as he listened to her. Now he finally spoke.

“Thank you for telling us what has happened on the Sonnalpe. It’s a shame it’s no longer the thriving community we left behind.”

“It is to be expected though, Jem,” Gottfried answered. “If the Sanatorium was closed then there would have been no employment for anyone, so they would have to leave to look for work elsewhere.”

“That’s true. It’s a long way from anywhere and the roads were treacherous in winter.”

“Frau Lang, did you see Das Pferd while you were there?” Gisela asked.

“Yes, I did. That wasn’t as dilapidated as many of the chalets were and we could still make out the hunting scene in the frescoes.”

“That is good. I had my eldest children there and it holds many happy memories for me. I think that I too, would prefer to remember it as it was.”

“As would I, Liebling,” Gottfried replied. “Now, we need to work out how to help our friend.”

“I think our first priority it to get him to take the sleeping tablets. Do you know when he is next due a few days off, Gottfried?”

“I think he has two more shifts and then he is off for four or five days.”

“That should give us enough time, then. It may be that you have to take him off the rota for a few more days, but we can worry about that if it happens.”

“Of course.”

“Frau Lang, would you be able to provide Jack with a good square meal?” Hannah nodded her assent. “Is there any way we can contact you?”

“I’m not on the telephone, I’m afraid. Hansi, my son, is one of the handymen at the Sanatorium, though, so you can pass me a note through him. I can also give you my address in case you need me urgently. I’m out at work in a morning, but I’m generally home around Mittagessen.”

“Thank you. That would be helpful.”

“It is my pleasure. I’d like to help in any way I can. I know Jack values your friendship, especially at times like this. He told me he felt safe knowing that his friends would always pick him back up even when he’s pushed you away.”

“I wouldn’t dream of deserting him now,” Jem stated. “I’ve known him a long time and have encountered all his moods over the years.”

“Nor I,” Gottfried added. “I think he also counts you as a friend now, and I’m glad he does.” Hannah smiled at both men, glad that she had been accepted by them. She glanced at her watch before rising from the table.

“I must get back. It is almost dark now, and Hansi will be worrying if I’m not home soon. Thank you for inviting me, Frau Mensch, it was delicious.”

“You’re very welcome. I’ll show you out.” Gisela rose and escorted Hannah back into the hall where she donned her outdoor things once more and readied herself for the walk home. She handed Gisela a small card before pulling on her gloves.

“This is my address. Please let me know what happens with Jack. If you are passing, please do call in for coffee.”

“Thank you. Goodbye Frau Lang. I’m sure we’ll see you in a few days.” Gisela held open the door and Hannah set off into the twilight and her own home.

*****

Jem and Gottfried arrived at the Sanatorium in the middle of Jack’s shift. They collected coffee from the canteen and quickly made their way to Gottfried’s office where they made themselves comfortable in low chairs by the window.

“Do you have an idea about how we can help Jack?” Gottfried asked as he picked up his coffee.

“Not entirely. He doesn’t know I’ve come over, does he?”

“No, not yet, but now we’re here, word will get round quickly. I suspect you have an hour at most.”

“In that case, I’ve come on a surprise inspection. I know he won’t believe us but, I don’t want him to push us further away. In fact, it may be best if I surprise him in his office now.”

“That is a good idea. He may be more forthcoming if you speak to him in his own surroundings.”

“I thought the same.” Jem finished his coffee and rose. “I’ll go and see if he’s there now. No time like the present.”

“I hope this works, Jem.”

“So do I, Gottfried. Otherwise, we may end up having to do it officially and that’s the last thing I want to do to him.” Jem left Gottfried’s office on that comment and walked slowly down the corridor towards his friend’s office.

When Jem reached Jack’s office, he could see the light was burning behind the frosted glass. Peering through as well as he could, he could just make out a silhouette at the desk. Sending up a brief prayer for help, he knocked and, at Jack’s muffled answer, entered. He glanced unobtrusively around the room to ensure that Jack was alone before he spoke. The surprise on his friend’s face was obvious, along with the dark circles beneath his eyes and pallid look. His experienced eyes immediately picked up that although Jack looked busy, his pen was behind his ear and the papers before him were scattered anyhow. Jem knew he had his chance and he had to take it now.

“Hello Jack. How are you?” He spoke in English as he crossed the room to shake hands.

“What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were coming over.” Jack rose carefully, steadying himself on the desk with his other hand as he shook Jem’s. “Have a seat.”

“Thanks. I thought I’d spring a surprise visit on this place as I’ve not been over for a while.”

“Well, you’ve managed that. I certainly wasn’t expecting you to come through the door then. Are you staying with Gottfried?”

“Yes. I arrived the other day. As Gottfried wasn’t working yesterday, I spent the day at home with him and Gisela.”

“Well, I suppose it gave you chance to catch up with him.”

“It did. How are you, Jack?”

“Tired, if I’m honest. I’ve not been sleeping well, lately.” 

“I thought you had a prescription for that?”

“I do. I just…. I can’t take them at the moment.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t, Jem.” Jack was on his guard and Jem sensed he would get no further yet. He changed tactics.

“How about you bring me up to date with what’s been happening here?”

“Okay.” Jem settled back in his chair as Jack was diverted into work. He listened as Jack talked, allowing his friend to steer the conversation back to safer ground. As they discussed the latest research Jack had been doing in his spare time, Jem thought about how he could help his friend.

A knock at the door disturbed them and Jack called out. A nurse appeared to summon him to a patient. Jem noted that as Jack rose to collect his things, he took a moment or two to gain his balance. Jem made a swift decision.

“What time do you finish, Jack?”

“At three. Why?”

“I have some tea for you. Madge sent me with a big packet. I thought I might drop it round at yours if you like?”

“I suppose so. I need to go.”

“I know, I’ll call round about four?”

“Okay.” Jack disappeared through the door, leaving Jem to depart in his own time and walk thoughtfully back to Gottfried’s office.

Jem slipped back into the office at Gottfried’s response to his knock and dropped back into the low chair by the window once more. Gottfried joined him when he’d finished what he was doing.

“How did it go?” Gottfried asked as he crossed the office to join Jem.

“He admitted he wasn’t sleeping well and wasn’t taking the tablets, but couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give an explanation why. He deflected me as I suspected, so I just let him update me on what he’s been researching lately instead. He wasn’t steady when he stood up to greet me, nor when he had to go to a patient. He had to grab onto the furniture until he could keep his balance.”

“I don’t like the sound of that, Jem. Thank goodness he is off after today.”

“I know. I’ve told him I need to call round to his house once he’s finished today as I have some tea for him. I think I’ll have more chance of tackling him when he isn’t in work.”

“Your national drink comes to the rescue,” Gottfried laughed.

“Indeed it does. I’m hoping that I may be able to confront him at home, even if he does throw me out. I can’t do that here.”

“I understand. Here, you are his employer, at home, you are his friend.” Jem nodded in agreement.

“How long does it take to walk to Jack’s house from yours?”

“It is about fifteen minutes. Did you say what time you would call round?”

“I told him I’d come about four, sorry, sixteen. I always forget to use European time.”

“It is no bother. I am used to English time as well. If you intend to get to his for sixteen, then you’ll need to leave here around the same time as Jack finishes as it is a good twenty minutes to walk back to our home first. I’m afraid I’m taking over from Jack so I can’t give you a lift.”

“Of course. I’m happy to walk back. I need the exercise anyway. I might leave before he finishes, as I don’t want him giving me a lift and just taking the tea from me. That would defeat the object.”

“Yes, that is true. Now, as you are here and conducting a surprise inspection, we ought to make it look like that is what you are doing.” Jem agreed and they moved the conversation onto work until it was time for Jem to leave.

Four o’clock found Jem walking up the path to Jack’s chalet and knocking on the door. He stood back as he waited for his friend to answer. He was about to knock for a second time when Jack finally opened the door. On seeing Jem at his doorstep, Jack just opened it wider and gestured him inside. Jem entered and removed his coat, hanging it on the newel post at the bottom of the stairs before following Jack through to the kitchen. He placed the packet of tea on the counter as Jack turned the ring on under the kettle.

“Have a seat, Jem.” Jack was abrupt as he found out the teapot and a couple of mugs. He dropped some leaves in from an open packet and poured the water over as the kettle came to the boil. Bringing them to the table, he slid into the seat opposite his friend. Jem waited for Jack to speak again. 

“Why are you really here, Jem?”

“I told you, I came on a surprise inspection.”

“Don’t take me for a fool. I may not be at my best, but I’m not stupid.”

“I never thought you were, Jack.”

“Then drop the charade. Gottfried called you, didn’t he?”

“Yes. He’s worried, as am I, now I’ve seen you. What’s brought this latest bout on?” Jack poured the tea into the mugs as he stalled for time. As much as he wanted to talk, his wartime instinct of silence still came to the fore. 

“Why can’t you take the sleeping tablets?” Jem persevered. “You know as well as I do that a short course generally helps you get back into a normal routine without becoming addicted. This isn’t just insomnia, is it? It’s something more.” Jack just nodded but made no attempt to elaborate.

“I want to help you, Jack, as do your other friends. None of us want to see you hit rock bottom again.”

“I know. I don’t know if it was worth you coming all this way, though.”

“Of course it was! Don’t ever think you aren’t worthwhile. I’ve told you that on many occasions and I still mean it.” 

“Thank you. I do appreciate it, Jem.” Jack stopped and drank his tea unable to meet his friend’s eyes as Jem looked keenly at him.

“How long do you have off now?”

“I’m off until Thursday.” Jack rose and fetched his rota from the notice board on the wall. “I go back on a late.” Jem pulled the paper across to him and looked at it as he thought about the rota he’d studied in Gottfried’s office.

“So you have four days to get some sleep then. That’s a start.”

“I’ve told you; I can’t take the sleeping tablets.”

“I know you have, but if you don’t take them, you’re going to end up making a stupid mistake at work. I don’t want that to happen as I can’t keep this off the record then. You’re struggling to stand without hanging onto the furniture and it’s going to be noticed before long.”

Jack sighed and refilled his mug. He stared into it as he digested Jem’s words and concluded that his friend was correct. 

“The bottle is in the back of the left-hand cupboard. Top shelf.” Jem rose and went to rummage where he was told. He eventually returned to the table and placed the bottle between them. It was almost empty, containing just two tablets.

“Who normally writes your prescriptions?”

“Gottfried. No one else knows about it, and I don’t want it known either.”

“I’m not going to betray your confidence, Jack. You know me better than that.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Jem just nodded in acknowledgement; he knew his friend well enough to understand that it was the tiredness that was talking.

“Take these tonight and I’ll bring the new lot round tomorrow.”

“Thanks Jem.” 

“I’ll leave you to it, Jack. Gisela is expecting me back in time for Abendessen.” Jem rose and placed his mug by the sink. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Jem left Jack still sitting at the table and let himself out once he’d donned his coat again. He knew it was going to take time for his friend to get back onto an even keel once more. He turned his steps back towards the Sanatorium in order to collect the new prescription and to tell Gottfried to take Jack off the rota for a couple of weeks.

*****

When Jem arrived back at the Sanatorium, he found that Gottfried was with a patient. He went in search of coffee before he returned to his friend’s office and dropped into one of the comfortable chairs to wait. The rotas were still on the low table before him, so Jem picked them up and studied them idly as he waited. He saw that Gottfried had already begun to work on removing Jack’s name with the note that he was on leave. 

When Gottfried returned, Jem rose to greet him. 

“I wasn’t expecting to see you back here tonight, Jem.”

“I know, but Jack needs another prescription. I figured if you’re working a late today, you won’t be back in early enough tomorrow to write one in time for me to collect it before the pharmacy closes. Do you have time now, or are you in the middle of something?”

“Can you give me half an hour? I only came in to collect another pen as this one has run out. I’m in the middle of rounds.”

“Of course.” Gottfried nodded his thanks as he picked up a pen from his desk and departed to finish his patient rounds. Jem settled down to wait and think what his next move with Jack would be, now he had persuaded him to take the tablets.

Eventually, Gottfried returned to the office and removed his white coat, hanging it on the hook by the door. He crossed to the desk and pulled out his prescription pad from a drawer. 

“What is it he needs, Jem?” Jem moved to sit before the desk.

“He needs more of the usual. He only had two left which was enough for tonight.” Gottfried bent his head as he wrote out what was needed before ripping the sheet from his pad and handing it to Jem.

“The pharmacy will have closed by now. You’ll have to collect it in the morning. Speak to Herr Schmitt when you hand it over. He knows about Jack’s needs and is discreet.”

“Thanks. I’ll come over first thing for it and then do a bit of observation work here. There’s no point me going over to see Jack again until the afternoon.”

“How was he when you called in earlier?”

“He saw through my excuse for being here, though he didn’t divulge much more to me. He’s agreed to take the tablets, after I warned him that if he wasn’t careful, he’d end up making a mistake which I wouldn’t be able to keep off the record.”

“That is good. I’ve made a start on removing him from the rota. How long do you think that he will be off?”

“Do the next two weeks after he’s due back for now. Hopefully, we’ll have more idea once he finally opens up, but that probably won’t be until he gets the sleep he needs.”

“Of course. Are you planning to call in to see him each day?”

“I honestly don’t know, Gottfried. I’ll see how he is tomorrow and decide from there. I don’t want to force myself on him, but I want him to know we’re all there for him.”

“It is probably the best idea. What about Frau Lang? Do you think he would be willing to speak to her yet?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t mentioned her and nor has Jack. Until he’s ready, I’m afraid she’ll have to wait.” Jem glanced at his watch and rose to collect his coat. “I’d better set off or I’ll be late for Abendessen. Is there an office I can use in the morning?”

“I’ll ask Matron Graves to find you somewhere.”

“Thanks. See you tonight.” Jem departed and Gottfried was left to continue with his shift.

The next morning saw Jem walking back to the Sanatorium once more. His first port of call was to the pharmacy to speak to Herr Schmitt and collect Jack’s prescription. Half an hour later, he sought out Matron Graves to see which office he could use while he was conducting his observations. 

Once he was established in a small office, Jem settled down to do his job. He knew he needed to justify his visit, even if it wasn’t what had brought him over in the first instance, so he concentrated on his official capacity as the owner of the Sanatorium. He spent his time making appointments with various staff members and contacting a couple of the directors to arrange update meetings. He was careful to ensure that he arranged most of his work during the morning so that he would have time to call round and see Jack in an afternoon if necessary. Although he didn’t want to push himself on his friend, he wanted to ensure that Jack knew he was there and available if he wanted or needed to talk.

It was mid-afternoon before Jem set off to Jack’s chalet again. He spoke briefly to Gottfried when he arrived for his shift, before closing his notepad and tidying up his desk. He knew he had a good three hours before he needed to be back for Abendessen, so he pocketed the tablets and donned his coat.

Jem knocked on the door and waited. There was no response and he knocked again, harder this time. He was contemplating knocking for a third time when Jack opened the door. Seeing his friend on the doorstep, Jack stepped back to allow Jem inside, closing the door behind him. Jack led the way into the kitchen and automatically turned the ring on underneath the kettle.

Jem quietly placed the bottle of tablets on the table and watched the deliberate movements of his friend. He could see that Jack’s struggle was even more apparent since the previous day. Once Jack brought the teapot and mugs to the table Jem sat down opposite him. 

“How was last night, Jack? Did the tablets help?”

“They knocked me out for the night. I hate waking from a drugged sleep, though.”

“Surely it’s better than no sleep at all?”

“I suppose it’s better than being awake with my thoughts.”

“How bad are they?”

“They aren’t great at the moment.”

“Jack, you know…”

“Not yet, Jem. I’m not ready yet. I appreciate you coming round, though. It does make a difference.”

“That’s good to hear. I’ll come as often as you need me to if it helps. The others will too, if you want them.” Jem didn’t mention names, he knew that he had to let Jack call the shots. It was his choice whom he saw when he was feeling so vulnerable.

“I know.” Jack poured the tea and pushed a mug towards Jem before picking up his own and staring silently into the depths of it. Jem allowed the silence to linger, understanding that just being there was enough for now.

When he’d finished, Jack placed the mug on the table and finally looked at Jem properly for the first time. 

“How do you always manage to know when I need help?”

“Because you’re my friend. We’ve known each other a long time and we’ve supported each other through almost everything. I don’t want to see you suffering, which was why I came over as soon as I could when Gottfried rang me.”

“I wish this didn’t happen to me. I hate it when it does, and I then have to rely on you all to pull me back up again. All because of two Nazis! Why couldn’t they have shot someone else that day? Or, better still, never have been born! I wouldn’t have been stuck behind enemy lines for the duration if those bastards had used something else for their target practice. I’d have been married, maybe with children, or even grandchildren, now. Instead, I’m sitting here, reliant on pills to make me sleep and needing you to stop me from falling into the abyss every time my past comes back to haunt me.” Jack paused, drawing in a long shuddering breath to bring himself back under control. Jem silently poured more tea into Jack’s mug and pushed it across to him. He automatically picked it up and drank.

“Sorry. You didn’t need to hear that,” Jack said, a little calmer now.

“You needed to say it though, and I’m glad that you felt you could let down your guard, even if it was only briefly. I know you aren’t ready to talk yet, but I’m here for when or if you feel you can.”

“Thanks.” Jack picked up the bottle Jem had placed on the table and studied the contents before turning it over to read the label. “Herr Schmitt’s writing. He’s the best pharmacist we’ve had; he generally knows exactly what we need before we even hand him the prescription. He’s very thorough and won’t just hand over anything without the correct paperwork and reasoning.”

“I saw that this morning. He quizzed me before he handed them over to ensure I wasn’t trying to get them for my own nefarious purposes. Once I’d explained and he’d examined my ID card, he was happy to let me take them. He said to tell you that he won’t give you any more when they’re gone and not to finish the course.”

“He knows his stuff as it looks like he’s given me enough to last two weeks. I hope I don’t need them for that long, the side effects will be awful by then, not to mention the risk of addiction.”

“I hope you won’t, but don’t stop too quickly, either. You need to get back into a proper sleep rhythm first.”

“I know,” Jack sighed as he put the bottle back on the table before him. He glanced at his watch. “Don’t you need to get back to Gisela’s for Abendessen?” Jem looked at the clock on the wall behind Jack.

“Yes. I’d better go, or I’ll be late. Thanks for the tea.” Jem rose from his seat and headed towards the door. Jack followed more slowly, his exhaustion and the after-effects of the sleeping tablets making his reactions slower than normal. By the time he reached the entrance hall, Jem had donned his coat and was about to open the front door.

“Thanks for coming, Jem.”

“Would you like me to come tomorrow?”

“No. Not tomorrow, the day after. The third day is always the worst. That’s when I’m more likely to struggle to think clearly and need someone to help me out.”

“Of course. Look after yourself, Jack. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” Jack just nodded in response as Jem let himself out through the door, closing it softly behind him. 

*****

Jem knocked on Jack’s door for the third time on Wednesday and waited patiently for his friend to answer. When it became apparent that Jack wasn’t answering, he tried the handle and was surprised when it yielded. He stepped inside, closing it softly behind him before calling out.

“Jack?” He stood silently, listening for any sound before calling out again. “Jack? It’s Jem. Where are you?” He heard a faint noise from the direction of the kitchen and walked towards the back of the chalet, opening the door quietly. Jack was sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He gently placed the lidded pot he was carrying on the counter and moved across to sit opposite his friend.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know whether I’ve taken too many, or not enough. I don’t know which is worst, the side-effects or my memories. I can’t even function enough to move to make a drink. If I move, I might fall. If I don’t move, the thoughts crowd in. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t cope with it all.”

“That’s why I’ve come, Jack. You don’t have to cope with it all alone. I can stay for as long as you need me to, tonight. Let’s start with some tea.” Jem went to fill the kettle, replacing it on the stove and turning the ring on underneath. He picked the teapot up from the draining board, then delved in cupboards until he located the tea. When the kettle began to whistle, he turned the ring off and poured the water in the pot before placing it on the table. He placed mugs and the milk bottle beside it before resuming his seat once more.

Jem allowed the silence to linger, knowing his friend needed the space to try and formulate his thoughts enough to be able to articulate his needs. He poured out the tea and pushed a mug towards Jack, who automatically picked it up, attempting to nurse it in his cold hands until the heat penetrated his consciousness and he placed it back on the table quickly. He shivered involuntarily.

“Are you cold, Jack?”

“A little.”

“Tell me where your jumpers are, and I’ll fetch you one.”

“There might be one in the room, or in the wardrobe.” Jem rose and disappeared into the living room first. A cursory look around showed no jumper and he continued on towards the second door which led back into the hallway. He caught a glimpse of the photo of Jo on the shelf as he passed and paused before it for a moment.

“You need to help him, Jo,” he muttered to the picture. “You know this isn’t right. You shouldn’t be leaving him in this state after all these years.” He sighed and shook his head, before running lightly upstairs and finally locating a pile of jumpers on a shelf in Jack’s wardrobe. Selecting one which looked the warmest, he took it back to the kitchen and handed it to Jack. 

“Thanks.” Jack struggled into the jumper, finally pulling it down over his shirt. He ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tidy it, before picking up his tea once more. Jem settled back into the chair opposite and drank his own tea.

“Are you hungry?” Jem asked.

“Not really. I have nothing in anyway.”

“I’ve been given something to warm up in the oven for us both. Shall I put it in now? It’ll take an hour or so to warm through properly.”

“Okay. Can you manage? I don’t think I can stand safely.”

“Of course.” Jem crossed the kitchen and turned on the oven before placing the pot he had brought with him onto a shelf inside. He found out a couple of plates and placed them onto the plate warmer before returning to the table again. He refilled Jack’s now empty cup, noting that his friend was looking a little less confused now he was warmer and had some tea inside him. 

“Thanks for coming today, Jem. It’s been a struggle.”

“Does this happen every time you take the tablets?”

“No. This time seems worse than usual, but I don’t know whether that’s because of my thoughts and memories or the tablets. I don’t even know if I’ve had the correct dose each night.”

“We can always count what’s left in the bottle to establish that if you’re unsure.”

“I tried earlier and couldn’t even manage to count them. I left them in the bathroom.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Jack. The lack of sleep you’ve been suffering from, followed by strong sleeping tablets have just slowed your brain down. I’ll go and bring them down here and we can check how many you still have.” Jem rose once more, and this time went to collect the bottle of tablets from the bathroom. Once he arrived back in the kitchen, he found out a small plate and tipped the contents onto it where it would be easier to count them. Jack watched him silently.

“Well?” he asked once Jem had finished.

“Only four missing, so you’re fine. You should probably only take then for another couple of nights if you can, though.”

“I know. I just hope I can banish the nightmares as well. I think you’ll have to tell Gottfried that I’m not going to be able to come to work for a few more days. I don’t think I’ll be in a much better state tomorrow when I’m due back.”

“He’s taken you off the rota already. We suspected that you wouldn’t be able to come back immediately. You can be off for as long as you need to be, Jack.”

“I don’t want to be off at all. Work gives me some purpose in life. Don’t take away my lifeline.”

“I’m not. I just want you to know that you can take as much time as you need and neither Gottfried nor I will say anything. You’re our friend as much as you’re a colleague and we both know you well enough to see that you need a break. You’ve been doing too much in your efforts to forget whatever it is that’s dragging you downwards.”

“I owe you both so much for what you both do for me.”

“You don’t owe us anything. You came back home and that was enough. You endured unimaginable horrors during the war because you ensured that Jo wasn’t left alone to die and that she was buried with dignity. You gave Madge and Dick closure so that they could grieve for their sister. You gave Gottfried the confidence to carry on because he felt guilty at having left you behind. Your own kind nature and friendship is enough for us to want to help you as we know that if the tables were turned, you’d do exactly the same for us.” 

Jack remained silent as he digested what Jem had said. He hated people thanking him. He felt out of his depth, especially when his brain wouldn’t function quickly enough to refute anything. Jem watched him briefly before rising to go and see if the food was hot. As he bent down to the oven, he spoke to Jack again, but on a completely different subject this time.

“Do you think you could manage to set the table? This looks as if it’s cooked.”

“Hmm?”

“Food, Jack. Can you set the table?”

“Oh! Yes. Just give me a minute to get my balance first.” Jack rose and hung onto the table for a few moments before carefully crossing the kitchen to collect some cutlery and mats for the table. He had to hang onto the counter for a few moments before he returned and dropped back into his chair as he placed the mats and cutlery. Jem waited until Jack was still before he took the pot from the oven. He lifted the lid and placed it on the counter before collecting the plates and a large serving spoon from the drawer. Jack watched as his friend ladled out the food out. Jem put one plate before him and took the other back to his own seat.

They both ate in silence, Jem relieved to see his friend eat something substantial. When Jack had finished his meal, he finally spoke once more.

“Who sent the food?”

“Frau Lang.” Jem was brief in his answer. He knew of and approved of their friendship, but he was curious, knowing that this was a rare opportunity to find out how Jack viewed their relationship.

“I thought so. Her cooking is completely different to Gisela’s. Why did Hannah send the food?”

“Because she cares about you as well. You’ve pushed her away and she was worried. This was her way of showing you that she was still thinking of you.” Jack sighed in response.

“She’s told you what happened in January, then.” It was a statement more than a question.

“She gave us a brief outline. She also stated that you seemed fine when you came home.”

“Yes, I was at that point. I’d unburdened myself to my sister which had helped in the short term. Mollie must have the patience of a saint to put up with me.”

“She’s your sister, Jack. She’ll always try to help you, even though she’s at the other side of the world. You mean as much to her as she means to you.”

“I suppose so. I wish she wasn’t so far away. She has roots and family in New Zealand now, though. There’s only me left here.”

“Have you ever invited her to visit?”

“No. I doubt she’d come all this way just for me.”

“Maybe you should. I think you’d be surprised.”

“Do you think she would like Hannah? A letter doesn’t tell you much.”

“Yes, I think she would.” Jack remained silent as he thought about his sister and Hannah meeting each other. It was a change to have a pleasant thought in a sea of unhappy ones. 

“What happened on your trip away, Jack?” Jem’s voice cut across his thoughts and Jack sighed.

“We went up to the Sonnalpe. Looking back, I think that was a mistake. We should have just stayed by the lakeside.” 

Jack went on to describe what had happened in the intervening years since they’d all been forced to leave the Sonnalpe that eventful June before the war. Jack’s narrative was more informative than Frau Lang’s had been, showing Jem that what they had seen that day had been preying at the back of Jack’s mind since their return home. Jem let him talk, knowing that Jack needed the release from his thoughts and memories. 

Eventually, Jack ran down and said no more. He felt exhausted and thirsty. He picked up his empty mug and investigated it, before putting it back down with a thump. He pushed his chair back and attempted to stand, intending to go and make fresh pot of tea. His legs buckled and he dropped back into his seat with an exclamation of frustration. 

Jem had been watching Jack closely throughout the evening. He felt relieved that Jack had finally felt able to tell someone what had been dragging him down into the depths, but he knew his friend was reaching his limit and needed the oblivion of sleep to help him recover from the mental strain he’d just gone through. He rose and went to fill the kettle once more before clearing the plates from the table and placing them into the sink. He ran some water over them as he rinsed out the teapot and left them to soak.

Jack rested his head in hands as he leant against the table. He ignored Jem’s movement as he grappled to keep himself under control. When a fresh mug of tea was placed before him, he just nodded his acceptance as he picked it up, cradling it in his hands. 

“You need to sleep, Jack.” 

“I know.” Jack drank some of his tea, feeling the warmth run down into him. He made no attempt to move.

“Do you need a hand upstairs?” 

“I think I might do.” Jack finished his tea and put his mug back down.

Using the table for support, Jack managed to stand up on his second attempt before he staggered to the door. Jem followed, allowing Jack to move by himself but staying close enough to help if he needed any. Jack slowly climbed the stairs, hanging onto the bannister for support on one side and Jem helping on the other. Once they reached the bedroom, Jem left Jack sitting on the side of the bed to change. He returned downstairs to collect a couple of sleeping tablets and some water. He also refilled Jack’s mug with tea and took them all upstairs. He found the bedroom empty, so he placed the tea on the bedside cabinet and waited for Jack to return before he handed him the tablets and water.

“Thanks Jem.” He swallowed them and threw the covers back before sitting on the edge of the bed. “Can you lock up on your way out?”

“Of course. Where shall I leave the key?”

“There’s a spare key in the cutlery drawer. Take that and leave mine on the third stair.”

“I poured you another mug of tea. I’ll call in tomorrow afternoon. Goodnight, Jack.”

“Thanks. Goodnight, Jem and thank you.” Jack got into bed and pulled the covers over him. Propping himself up on one elbow, he drank some of the tea before replacing the mug on the cabinet, turning off the lamp and lying down.

Jem closed the bedroom door softly behind him and returned to the kitchen. He tidied up the table and found out the spare key. Turning off the kitchen light, he closed the door as he went into the hallway to don his coat and hat. He put Jack’s key where he had been told and let himself out, locking the door behind him before he pocketed the key and set off back to Gottfried’s and Gisela’s home and his own bed.

*****

Jack was sitting in the living room, surrounded by sheets of paper when a knock came at the door. Sighing, he rose and went to answer it, wishing that he could be left alone. It was almost a week since Jem had spent the evening with him and helped him through his darkest hours. He was grateful for Jem’s companionship, but now, he wanted to get himself back into his normal routine and back to work if possible. He opened the door impatiently, intending to tell the person on the other side to go away and leave him alone, therefore, he was surprised to see Hannah Lang standing on the doorstep, a grocery bag in her had.

“Hannah! Why are you here?”

“I thought you might be in need of a good meal and as it’s Wednesday, I decided I could cook it here for a change.”

“That’s very kind of you. Come on inside.” Jack stood back to let Hannah through the door, closing it behind her. “I’m hope you don’t mind a bit of a mess. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I haven’t tidied up for a while.”

“I’m sure I’ll manage.” Jack took her coat, hanging it on the newel post at the bottom of the stairs before picking up the bag and leading the way into the kitchen. Hannah noted that it was littered with pots and in need of a good clean, though she said nothing. 

“Have a seat, Hannah. I’ll make some coffee and clean up first.” Jack busied himself with turning on the ring under the kettle and also running the tap in preparation for washing up. Hannah watched Jack for a short while before she collected the tea towel and came to dry for him.

“I can manage.” Jack was abrupt, but Hannah ignored his tone.

“I’m sure you can but, with two of us, it will be done quicker.” Jack said no more. He knew he had no argument to that. They continued in a companionable silence until the kettle began to boil. Hannah broke off from her drying to make the coffee and place it on the table before drying the last bits as Jack wiped down the surfaces and emptied the sink. Once they were finished, they sat down at the table, Hannah pouring out the coffee for them both.

“Thank you,” Jack said as he accepted his cup. 

“How are you, Jack?”

“I’ve been better. I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

“Please don’t apologise, I understand why.”

“I know. It doesn’t excuse my behaviour, though.”

“I have learnt a little of your moods over the last few years. I know you were concentrating on trying to stay afloat in an ocean of uncertainty. It is why I spoke to Frau Mensch when I realised what was happening. You still haven’t answered my question, though.”

“I said, I’ve been better.”

“That is no answer.” 

“I know,” Jack sighed. “The truth is I don’t know, yet. I’m probably feeling a bit up and down, if I’m honest. I had to stop taking the sleeping tablets as the side effects were quite bad this time and Jem was worried about my reaction to them. Luckily, the few nights I did take them helped me enough to get back into a more normal sleep routine again and, for the past few nights, I’ve managed to sleep through. It’s early days yet, so I can’t promise what will happen.”

“It is a good beginning, though. You just have to take each day as it comes, as I’m sure you already know.”

“You sound like Jem.”

“I don’t think I have his knowledge or experience in life. I am a mother, though.” Hannah was pleased to see a smile cross Jack’s face, albeit briefly. 

“I think one of Jem is enough anyway.” Jack finished his coffee and placed his cup on the table. “I’m hoping to go back to work next week and hopefully, the routine will help banish the rest of this bout.”

“That is good. I’ve missed your company, and I’d like to hope that you’ll begin to come to dinner again.”

“I’d like that, too.” Jack felt almost shy as he spoke. Until this moment, he hadn’t realised how much he’d missed spending time with Hannah as his despair overwhelmed him. Hannah smiled and rose from the table.

“Now, let’s make some dinner.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You can peel the potatoes.” Hannah placed them before Jack and moved back to the counter to chop the rest of the vegetables whilst Jack found out the peeler and began work. They worked quickly and Hannah soon had their meal ready. 

Once they’d eaten and enjoyed a second cup of coffee, Jack rose and moved to the sink to wash up once again. Hannah dried for him before collecting her things together ready to take home. Jack opened a cupboard and pulled out a lidded pot, placing it with her things.

“I understand this belongs to you.”

“Yes, it does. Thank you.”

“Thank you for sending the meal over with Jem that evening. I was at my lowest and, between Jem and your food, it helped me to claw my way back up a little.”

“I wanted to help in any way I could. Frau Mensch kept me informed and when I offered to send something, she suggested that it would be helpful that night.”

“It was. I needed a good square meal by then.”

“Then I am glad I sent it for you.” Hannah looked at the clock behind Jack’s head. “I ought to go, or Hansi will start to worry.”

“I’ll give you a lift, it’ll be quicker.”

“There is no need. It isn’t a long walk.”

“I’m happy to, though. It also gets me out of the house for a short while, which I need.”

“If you’re sure?” Jack nodded. “Then that would be lovely, thank you.”

“I’ll just get a jumper and find my keys.” Jack disappeared into the living room for a few moments, before returning with a jumper and his car keys. He pulled his jumper on and picked up Hannah’s things for her. Together, they went into the hall and donned their outdoor things before Jack locked the door and they climbed into his car for the short journey back to Hannah’s home.

“Thank you for coming tonight and for cooking dinner,” Jack said as he parked up outside Hannah’s chalet.

“It was my pleasure. Thank you for the lift home. Will you come next Wednesday?”

“If I’m not working a late or nights, I’d love to come. I’ll check the rota when I start back on Monday.”

“Of course. I understand it can’t be helped if you are working. Perhaps we could change to a different night if that is the case?”

“I’ll let you know. Would you like to spend a day in Interlaken, next time I have a day off?”

“That would be lovely.” Hannah smiled and climbed out of the car. “Goodnight, Jack. Stay safe.”

“I will.” Jack watched as she walked up the path and let herself into the chalet before he drove back to his own home. Once he was inside, he made himself some tea and returned to the papers in the living room. He gathered them together, before he picked up the last sheet to continue his letter to his sister.

*****

Jack was busy writing up notes in his office when a knock came at the door. He called out absently and took no notice of who had entered the room. It wasn’t until something was placed across his papers, that he finally looked up to see both Jem and Gottfried before him. 

“Oh! Hello! I wasn’t expecting to see either of you.” Jack rose to greet them both properly.

“Nothing changes, Gottfried,” Jem said with a chuckle as he shook Jack’s hand. “It doesn’t matter which of us it is, he still takes no notice until we force him.”

“I agree,” Gottfried replied. “It is nice to see you back, Jack. How are you?”

“Much better, thank you,” Jack answered. “Find a seat, both of you. Don’t mix my papers up though!” This last as Jem picked up a pile of papers from the chair before the desk. Jem balanced them carefully on the edge of the desk.

“How on earth do you manage to work like this?” he asked.

“You should know Jack by now, Jem,” Gottfried stated. “This is tidy for him.”

“I am here, you know. What can I do for you both?”

“We thought we’d welcome you back and also update you on the results of my latest visit,” Jem said with a smile.

“Surely that would be more appropriate in Gottfried’s office since his is much larger than here - and tidier.”

“It would be if we wanted it to be more formal. However, since you’ve only just returned, we thought it would be easier to do it where you’re comfortable.” Jack opened his mouth to refute this comment, but Jem just shook his head and continued. “You’ll be pleased to know that the visit was its usual success and that was down to your sheer hard work as always. Even in the state you were in when I arrived, you managed to give me a full and complete report which satisfied the directors.”

“I’m glad it’s all running well. We have a good team here and work well together.”

“We have managed to maintain a steady group with very little change over the years. Even our cleaning and maintenance staff are loyal and seem happy to be working here,” Gottfried agreed as the talk moved onto a discussion of plans for the next few years. 

As their meeting drew to a close, Jem returned to the reason he had visited Switzerland in the first place.

“I’m honestly glad to see you back at work again, Jack. I saw how difficult it was for you to get through the day when you were off.”

“I had something to aim for each day, while I was working. It was when I stopped that it hit me. Now you know why I’m always so reluctant to take the sleeping tablets; the side effects this time was worse than I’ve ever had before. Those few days are a bit hazy if I’m honest.”

“I can understand that. You needed them though, as you couldn’t carry on as you were doing. At least they helped you establish some sleep pattern before I made you stop taking them. Maybe you should try some different ones if you need them again in future.”

“Maybe. I’m just grateful that you both saw what was happening and stopped me before I did anything I might have regretted. Thank you both for looking after me again.”

“You are our friend, Jack,” Gottfried stated. “We have all known each other for a long time and we both care what happens to you. Please don’t feel that you cannot say anything if you think it is happening again. We will always help out in any way we can, as will Frau Lang.” 

“I agree with Gottfried,” Jem added. “It was because of Frau Lang, that we could work out the cause, this time. You have a good friendship with her, and she will always look out for you.” 

“I know. I appreciate all of you, however much I push you away when I have to fight my demons. It’s my coping mechanism and when it happens, I struggle to ask for help. However, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want any of you to push back at me. You making me confront what happened in January was the best thing you could have done, Jem. I remember you doing it all those years ago, when I first arrived back home. My parents had no idea how to deal with me, as much as they loved me and were glad to see I was still alive. You’ve done it on numerous occasions since as well.”

“We’ll all continue to do it as well,” Jem replied with a smile. “I’m sure I’ve said to you before, if the tables were turned, you’d do exactly the same for us. The least we can do is carry each other through thick and thin, and I’m sure I speak for all your friends when I say that we intend to carry on doing the same each and every time one us might stumble.” 

“Thank you.” Jack glanced at his watch. “Are we all finished for today?”

“I think so,” Jem replied, taking Jack’s hint that he no longer wished to discuss himself. “I certainly am. I’m going home tomorrow evening, so I just have to pack.”

“I will be finished shortly,” Gottfried said. “I just have to speak to someone else, first.”

“In that case, I’d like to invite you both to come round to mine for a drink.”

“That sounds lovely, Jack,” Jem responded with a smile.

“Will you join us for Abendessen after? Gisela would love to see you,” added Gottfried.

“I’d like that, thank you. I just need to finish off these notes that you interrupted, first. I should only be half an hour or so.”

“Are you sure? I know what you’re like when you get engrossed,” Jem teased. 

“It’ll take me longer if you don’t leave me alone,” Jack retorted.

“Come, Jem,” Gottfried interrupted what was an age-old argument, with a laugh. “The sooner we leave him, the sooner we will all be ready.” He rose and strode to the door. Jem followed with a smile, glad that his friend was still there, even when life had knocked him sideways.


End file.
